Family Relationship Seminar Recap
Introduction
We will explore the different ways families can come together and even break down generational barriers. If Jesus is involved in the process, what seems to be impossible to us becomes possible as we seek the Lord in prayer and godly wisdom. The goal is to experience unity and harmony wherever and whenever it is possible within the family unit. Ideally, your ministry within the family creates the platform where your family can experience unity.
Psalm 133:1
Interestingly, we can experience unity and being of one accord when humility leads the way to unity:
Philippians 2:3
Ephesians 4:1-3
Unity is the state of being joined together or in agreement, representing oneness or harmony from separate parts.1
Many of us know that we have family members with different personalities and perspectives, which is actually what we would experience as we meet more and more people within the body of Christ. The point of all of this is that unity can be achieved within the family dynamic as long as we are humble in our approach and prayerful that the Lord will move within our families in ways that we would be surprised and amazed to see.
1 Unity definition and meaning | Collins english dictionary. (n.d.). https://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english/unity
Unity Through Faith
To assess the state of the family in America, and even in northeast Ohio, we don’t need to go very far to conclude that many families are in a state of chaos, dysfunction and disarray. We can come up with all kinds of reasons for this, but since we’re trying to keep the process as simple as possible, let’s focus on Scripture and provide insight.
Luke 12:51-53
What is the cause of all this division in families?
Sin, selfishness and separation. The three most dangerous factors that harm family unity and cooperation.
The moment you have a situation where a parent becomes indifferent to the welfare of the children, or there is a personal desire to live in such a manner where there is more attention paid to self than to other members of the family, this creates a fracturing that requires immediate attention and a change of behavior (that requires acts of repentance). Without this change of behavior, fracturing can become so great that it can lead to hardened hearts and irreparable harm.
How have things fallen apart within the family? We don’t need to look any further than the first family on earth.
This first family, Adam and Eve, who was named by Adam, by the way (and not by God) after the account of their fall. Before their transgression, they were the perfect family. They were perfect because they were without sin. We won’t get into the details of Genesis 3 here because we already know the result of their sin. We do need to look at what set up the breakdown of the first family and how their tenure in the Garden of Eden would come to an end. These three things that Adam and Eve did are often the cause of breakdowns in today’s families:
- A lack of satisfaction (3:4-5)
- A lack of communication (3:6-7, 17-19)
- A lack of faith (3:6-7)
All three of these factors led to the fall of mankind. All three of these factors can ultimately break down a family.
Remember, we are keeping this simple because we can bemoan the realities of divorce rates in America and single-parent homes, but we need to decide, as followers and believers of Jesus, where we can make a difference in our own families. And I believe that is what Jesus would have us to do. Rather than look at our friends and relatives and smirk or snort with derision (which is very unkind), our response should be to ask the Lord for wisdom and to be prepared to speak and share about the goodness of Jesus and what it means to have a relationship with the Lord.
To reiterate our focus in this ministry—and that’s what this is—ministry to your family, we need to come at this entire process with the foundational principle of faith.
Consider these verses in prayer and meditation:
Romans 10:17
Because you must speak up. There are times when it is appropriate to keep quiet (Ecclesiastes 3:7), but I have found that we need to share more often with the people we know and love, because we don’t want to see them die in their sin. And for good reasons:
Romans 1:18-20
The Lord desires for your family to come to a saving knowledge of Jesus (1 Timothy 2:4). Having a heart for Jesus pricks our consciousness. When we interact with our family members, we need to stay in focused prayer that the Spirit—and not the flesh—provides wisdom and guidance as we share.
Ezekiel 18:23, 32
2 Timothy 2:25-26
This is where we must assess our confidence level when it comes to our faith. The more confident that we are in our faith in Jesus and in our relationship with Him, the easier it is to share about Jesus. As believers, we seek the Lord daily to learn and grow in the sanctifying power of the Holy Spirit. Sanctification gives a believer confidence to share about faith and about the hope one can receive in a relationship with Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:23 ESV
We must be prepared at any time to share—even when we least expect it.
1 Peter 3:15 NIV
Be ready to share as you may be the only one who your family may hear.
Romans 10:14-15 NIV
The answer for overcoming the breakdown of families: Dissatisfaction, poor communication, and a lack of faith involves trusting in the power of Jesus as you minister to your family.
Faith is the foundational glue within the family.
Unity in the family begins with faith and continues with a growing faith that promotes love, unity and sharing of the goodness of Jesus Christ.
Unity in Fellowship
Fractured families struggle in fellowship. For the purpose of this exercise in discussing fellowship, we are not using the koinonia (church) definition of fellowship, which is a deep, intimate relationship with other believers in Christ.1 It is more about just the simplest companionship of individuals in a congenial atmosphere and on equal terms.2
Before we go any further, this concept of fellowship within the family, for some, is a myth. Fellowship requires getting along with your parents, siblings and relatives. Family environments will do much better when there is a pleasant environment, while toxic environments are not conducive to getting along. Existing within a family means respecting peers in the relationship and honoring elders and maternal figures.
This is where we need to have hard conversations about how to promote unity within family relationships. In order to bring a family together, it requires an effort of truly dying to self and living as Jesus would have us to live. Someone has to take the initiative.
Successful family fellowship requires humble hearts and respectful relationships.
Galatians 2:20, 5:24
Humility is the essence of dying to self and living as a servant of Jesus Christ in all of your family interactions.
Colossians 3:12-13
Relationships need healing, understanding, respect and nurturing. Here are some family dynamics that are a necessity in building healthy family relationships:
Exodus 20:12
Philippians 2:14-15
1 Timothy 5:8
1 Peter 3:7, 4:8
Even the most fractured family becomes healthier if members of the family—preferably in leadership positions—set the example for others as they yield to Jesus through the presence of the Holy Spirit in their leadership and decision-making. It may take some time for those who struggle with interpersonal relationships, but Unity in families can be achieved through prayer and persistence by those who are truly operating as servant-leaders.
1 What does Koinonia Mean? (n.d.). https://www.bibleinfo.com/en/questions/what-does-koinonia-mean
2 The American Heritage Dictionary Entry: Fellowship. American Heritage Dictionary Entry: fellowship. (n.d.). https://ahdictionary.com/word/search.html?q=fellowship
Unity Through Friendship
Dale Carnegie, a famous author and lecturer, wrote a self-help book in 1936 titled “How to Win Friends & Influence People.”1 His book was the one of the best-selling books of all time. It sold over 30 million copies and garnered an additional 10 million readers in thirty-six languages.2 It enabled him to travel worldwide as a polished public speaker and build upon the Dale Carnegie Institute, which provides courses on leadership training for businesses to this very day. He was, arguably, the authority on how to build leaders by showing them how to be friendly and use that relationship for influence.
Suffice it to say that we could read self-help books on how to be friends with others, but you’re not doing it to find ways to gain influence with others…or would you? I wish I could say that there was no such thing as people in our lives who find a way to flatter you and become great “friends” and then try to take advantage of the relationship by using you for time and money.
This may come across as a generalization, but many people have friendships, except for husband/wife relationships, with people unrelated to them. Jesus provided a brief window into his own family relationship where they did not get along, and it was because he was so much different from them, and they didn’t believe who He said He was.
John 7:1-5
And isn’t this so much like most families where friendships are hard to come by? In families where there is a second marriage with children, things get more complicated. A myriad of personalities and egos lends to jealousy, envy and disagreements. Even Jesus was rejected by his own family. His best friendships were with His disciples, and especially with John, referred to often in Scripture as “The disciple who Jesus loved.”
One of the hardest things in family relationships is developing real, sincere friendships within a family. Things can change within a family dynamic over time as people make life decisions. Those life decisions can impact a family when there are moral and ethical boundaries that are being crossed. It is where a person of faith needs to remember that what you stand for in Christ may confront your sensibilities. No matter what the other person thinks or believes, you are to stand your ground and act as Jesus would have you to act. Love the other person but hate the sin. Love your family member but stand on God’s Word.
Proverbs 22:24-25
1 Thessalonians 5:11
John 15:12-14
Family friendships will take time, patience and effort. Don’t stop trying to be a friend. The bigger picture is developing family friendships for the sake of winning people over to Jesus.
1 Dale Carnegie. (n.d.). https://www.biography.com/authors-writers/dale-carnegie
2 How to win friends & influence people Dale Carnegie. (n.d.-b). https://www.rfpmm.org/pdf/how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people.pdf
Unity Through Forgiveness
One of the toughest subjects in family discussions is the topic of forgiveness. If you are in the throes of dealing with an unforgiving relative, or if you are scuffling with the rawness of pain and rejection, it can be incredibly uncomfortable, if not unbearable. Relief from the burden is difficult when reconciliation is not available.
When our relatives hurt us, it causes deep fissures within family relationships, and sometimes family members will even pick sides against us. How can we recover under these circumstances? Well, there are some things that we need to do that can lead to reconciliation:
1.) Make sure that you are not the reason for the conflict. If you are responsible, you will need to humble yourself and apologize to all involved.
Matthew 5:23-24
This passage (5:23-24) tells us correctly that we need to humble ourselves and own up to our offense…and apologize. Before we do anything that is related to giving service to Jesus, we need to address any wrongs and apologize. Remember, even before we take communion, we are to ask the Lord to forgive our sins:
1 Corinthians 11:26-32
James 5:16
1 Corinthians 1:30
In this instance, please note that we are not expecting people to forgive you because you apologize. This is where you are to draw upon the gracious presence of Jesus and allow the Spirit to give you comfort.
1 John 1:9
2.) If the other party (parties) are the offenders, forgive them. And don’t ask for any apologies. Make no conditions on your forgiveness.
We are to extend grace to those who ask for our forgiveness. It’s extremely important that we do not act in the manner of the unmerciful servant as described in Matthew chapter 18:
Matthew 18:21-35
Jesus tells us how we are to pray when it comes to forgiveness:
Matthew 6:11-15
3.) Forget the hurts and share your helps.
“Helps” are defined as giving assistance to someone that makes it easier for someone to do something.1 It’s another way of providing acts of kindness. In the Christlike way of moving forward with your life, your ministry within a family environment will necessitate, in some manner, truly letting bygones be bygones. The term “let bygones be bygones” means to ignore or disregard a past offense (when dealing with another individual).2 We move forward by not living in the flesh and living according to the Holy Spirit.
Galatians 5:16-18, 22-26
We know what we are SUPPOSED to do when we allow the Spirit to lead. How do we forget the hurts and share our helps? Live according to the Spirit and trust Jesus with the results.
1 HarperCollins Publishers (n.d.). The American Heritage Dictionary Entry: Helps. American Heritage Dictionary Entry: helps. https://www.ahdictionary.com/word/search.html?q=helps
2 Let bygones be bygones – definition, examples, related words and more at wordnik. Wordnik.com. (n.d.-a). https://www.wordnik.com/words/let%20bygones%20be%20bygones
I started my portion of the program with a state of Unity through faith, which is a necessary reliance upon the presence of Jesus through the Holy Spirit. You’re here because you are now a subscriber to being actively involved in ministry for the gospel of Jesus, and your interactions with the family are to involve being the best that you can be to honor the glory of Jesus. Your ministry efforts will not always go smoothly, but you gain respect for Jesus through your consistent walk of faith, and for how you share the goodness of Christ by letting the Spirit show off and show out for His glory.
Remember, your testimony for Jesus is, prayerfully, what wins people over to Jesus. Live consistently in fruitfulness and remain faithful in prayer, and let’s see what the Lord will do. God has a way of cracking the hardest shells and softening the hearts of those who desire to know more about Him.
Let’s discuss fruitfulness. We touched on this during our segment on forgiveness. We are an extension of the presence of Jesus by exhibiting the works of the Spirit—the fruits of the Spirit:
Galatians 5:22-23
There are nine different fruits mentioned in the passage, and we are to actively share all these as naturally as we blink and breathe. These should be our default behaviors at every waking moment. In all honesty, believers must avoid sounding like the world by using phrases such as “I got up on the wrong side of the bed,” or “so-and-so got on my last nerves.” It can be easy to get caught up with this laid-back lingo, but we must resist the temptation and avoid letting those words become audible(!). We must always settle on sharing the love of Christ. The gospel of Jesus is foundationally based upon the love of God (John 3:16-17). Rest on what He did for us on the cross, what He is doing for you right now, and for what you want to see take place in your own family.
Love
As we share on Christ’s love, we lead and summarize our communication with this same love. Notice how it is foundational to all the other fruits:
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a, 13
1 Corinthians 16:14
Colossians 3:14
Your role in the family is to represent Jesus in your conversations, and doing so in love helps you to provide wisdom and guidance when it is needed most. You must, of course, become more and more familiar with Scripture to effectively share it with others:
2 Timothy 3:16-17
So, the fruit of love is self-explanatory, but the other fruits are extensions of love.
Joy
Philippians 4:4
Romans 12:12
Romans 15:13
Your joyfulness is expressed in your demeanor as much as it is with your words. Let the Spirit flow through you so that others may see the hope in you.
1 Peter 3:15-16
Peace
Matthew 5:9
Romans 12:18
Hebrews 12:14
Philippians 4:6-7
Patience
Galatians 6:9
Romans 8:25
Kindness
Ephesians 4:32
Colossians 3:12-13
Goodness
Galatians 6:10
Romans 12:21
Faithfulness
Proverbs 3:3
2 Corinthians 5:7
Gentleness
1 Timothy 6:11
Colossians 4:2-6
Self-control
2 Timothy 1:7
2 Peter 1:5-7
These fruits of the Spirit give testimony to the One who is Faithful and True (Revelation 19:11). Since Jesus’s return is one day closer, pray that you can remain a vessel for Him in your family and be ready to proclaim the goodness of Jesus Christ.
Bonus – Family and Finances
One effective way to minister to our family members is to share or give counsel about areas that come up. One of the best ways to provide counsel is with finances. All of us have had to deal with finances in one way or another. Some of the information we have about finances is very good, and some of it involved learning about them the hard way. Both situations are qualifiers as to how to provide help when it is needed. We all (hopefully) learn from our mistakes! And because we have a track record of successes with our failures, we can be helpful where we can. Of course, the person who receives your help has to take responsibility for where he or she is and be willing to listen and take your advice. If one chooses to listen, you have an opportunity to build credibility and develop your relationship with that person. The more you build credibility, the better the opportunities to build on the relationship over time.
The best way to share your knowledge about finances comes from building your own knowledge. Admittedly, I did not learn very much about finances until much later in life. In many ways, I learned in the same manner that Paul shared with us about how to manage whether you have a little or a lot:
Philippians 4:12-13
Galatians 2:20
So how is this verse important when discussing finances? We can wreck our finances when we act in the flesh. By allowing ourselves to be crucified with Christ, there is a symbolic death to our old ways and fleshly desires. We actually think more often about whether a purchase is truly worth the expense. We don’t listen to those advertisers who tell us that we must get something to satisfy our desires. We actually learn about ways to spend less, and to save money. We incorporate the discipline to put aside enough money to operate in an emergency.
Proverbs 13:16
Before you give advice on how much money to put away, you should measure that on what is realistic. This advice is a little different for people who are still working from those who are retired with fixed incomes, but the principle is the same: It is wise to put aside about six months of what you will need to meet household expenses. You would need to record whatever you spend in your household for a month and multiply that number by six. That is your target amount. And before you say that can’t be done…well, it WON’T be done with that attitude. You can set your mind to do whatever you want to accomplish. You can evaluate what you spend your money on and save more money, or you can continue to flounder with your bills. Whether you have a little or a lot, your attitude should be that you will look for and find ways to put aside money, and that should be the advice you give to someone that you are counseling about finances. We are to put aside our fleshly manners and live with godliness. This requires having an attitude where the Spirit is ever-present.
1 Timothy 6:6-10
Are you content with what you have? Before you start offering advice to others, take the opportunity to pray and meditate over what God has provided for you. This has less to do with what you HAVE and more to do with WHO JESUS IS in your life.
Matthew 6:22-24
In this passage, the word ‘healthy’ implies ‘generous.’ The word ‘unhealthy’ implies ‘stingy.’ The attitude of a person about money certainly impacts on their level of generosity or even giving (to the church).
Luke 6:35
2 Corinthians 9:6-8
Now, I want you to understand that many of us wish we had the information that we have now as we have gone through on-the-job training. Here are some things that you can do right now to help build up your savings and cut your monthly expenses:
1.) Get your debt under control.
2.) Put aside something.
3.) Check and re-check your monthly budget.
4.) Create a budget/savings plan for major purchases.
Philippians 4:19
Now, offering advice to your family members is to be done upon request, and it is to be shared in confidence as it is quite a sensitive subject for most people.
Pray about all of this, and don’t stop praying (1 Thessalonians 5:17).
Copyright © 2024-25 Melvin Gaines.
Akron Alliance Fellowship Church 